Embracing the Process

The Wellness Nerd has been live for a whole week! It hasn’t gone perfectly, but I crossed off some goals and still have a ton of ideas to tackle that I’m really excited about. This is all new to me. One minute I feel really good about what I’ve planned and executed, but the next minute I immediately jump to how I didn’t do everything perfectly and there is still so much to do and what if no one cares?

That’s the crux of it, really. What if no one cares? This is a passion project – the words, research, ideas, visual choices all come from my brain. Putting myself out there on the internet is super scary in a way that is not dissimilar to that feeling I used to get during a choir audition or submitting art for a show. My brain immediately goes to “They obviously hate it, I feel stupid, they probably think I’m stupid, there was probably a much better way to do this and I messed it up, they’re probably laughing at me, why isn’t this over yet” and on and on and on. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in a self-deprecating loop and forget to celebrate the good things that happen in the moment.

Those moments when I’m hard on myself are rarely more than a couple minutes, but they definitely make an impact. It usually happens right before I’ve fully woken up. I’ll be making coffee, foggy-headed, trying to remember what I need to get done. Those moments of uncertainty make it easy for negative thoughts and emotions to invade and inhibit any sense of progress.

Shout-out to coffee for keeping me sane.

Those moments are worth it, though. This is a passion project! I’m in a unique position where I have the time to tackle the lists of projects that have built up while I was busy putting all of my energy into school or work. Even though I’m actively trying (and failing – please hire me) to find a new job, it seems wrong to let this free time go to waste when I’ve been talking about starting a blog or vlog or whatever for years. It’s incredibly motivating to act on my ideas. It’s also incredibly scary to put myself out there.

So I’m embracing the process. I’m finding my voice. So far I feel like I’ve sort of cleared my throat, getting ready for a warm-up.

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I haven’t fully articulated what The Wellness Nerd is or stands for, but that’s honestly because I’m still not sure. It’s bounced around in my brain for about a year, then 6 months ago I thought I would do a YouTube channel, then recently it all kind of slid into place as a blog in my head. The goal is to talk about and focus on things that make my life better. I want to speak definitively about things that are relevant to my own health and wellness, using hard facts and data – and I want to do it in a variety of ways. There might be videos in the future. There might be podcasts. There will definitely be more writing (and hopefully a strong voice surfaces). I’m going to cover all sorts of things that interest me – nutrition, technology, ecology, pop culture… it’s kind of all over the place in my head. The blog is definitely not perfect and still coming together, but every day it looks a little bit more like the idea I have in my head.

This is my favorite part: since I’ve started this project, I’ve been doing the things I write about. I’ve gotten better at making my own schedule, meeting goals, and taking care of myself. By focusing on things that make my life better, I’m actually doing those things. I exercise all the time! I wake up early! I’ve been making insanely delicious meals that are like 90% vegetables! My skin is super clear for the first time in years!

As scary as it is to be vulnerable, I think this is probably the best thing that I’ve done for myself in a really long time. It will only get better from here. Cheers to the process!

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